Questions to ask yourself if you want to know it (and trust me, you want to know it):

• Do you get defensive when you listen to women talking about their experiences?
• Do you value women on the basis of how attractive they are to you?
• Have you ever interrupted a woman to explain to her something she already knows?
• Do you not even think about advocating for women in your life?
• Do you make misogynistic jokes as a joke but really you secretly mean them?
• When a woman talks about sexism or feminism, do you get uncomfortable?
• Are you the type of person that says “but it’s not all bad” or “not all meeeeen”?
• When a buddy makes some sexist comment, do you join?
• When a buddy makes some sexist comment, do you remain quiet?
• Do you avoid calling out sexist behaviors because who cares?
• Have you ever thought a woman was just too emotional when, in fact, she was just expressing an opinion?
• Do you push women’s boundaries just to see how far you can get even though you’re making them uncomfortable?
• Do you expect some credit for ‘not assaulting (or any other violent behavior)’ as if this wasn’t just the lowest bar ever?
• When talking about negative women’s experiences, do you say just think if this would happen to your mom or your sister as if all other women in the world weren’t just human beings who deserve respect?
• Do you assume leadership or decision-making roles should mostly definitely go to men even if women are more qualified?
• Do you not care about making space for the voices of women in a conversation?
• Do you ask BUT WHAT ABOUT MEN’S DAY?
• Have you ever thought that a successful woman only got there because she’s a woman or because she ‘did’ something (sexual)?
• Do you expect women to do the emotional labor in relationships (work relationships included)?
• Do you say things like “it’s too complicated to work with women, I prefer to work with men”?
• Do you think women already have enough rights?
• Do you think that feminism is just TOO EXTREME?
• As a woman, do you feel like you’re always in competition with other women?
• Have you ever blamed a woman for experiencing harassment (or worse) by asking what she was doing or wearing?
• Have you ever justified a man’s bad behavior (or YOUR OWN BEHAVIOR) by saying OH WELL, BOYS WILL BE BOYS? (can be any other combination of words that reflect the… well, you know, these things just happen)
• Do you objectify women? I know this is such a direct question but DO YOUUUU?
• Have you ever expected a woman to prove her knowledge on a topic more than you would expect from a man?
• Do you believe women should just “take a joke” when they’re uncomfortable with sexist humor?
• Do you feel uncomfortable reading these questions?
• Do you feel like I’m talking about YOU while reading this?

If you said yes to any of the questions before, you simply suck. Listen, I don’t make the rules, you’re doing this to yourself.

But seriously, you suck.

No, but in all seriousness… you suck.

If you’re asking yourself, but why isn’t there a middle ground? Can’t I just be a person who isn’t a feminist but who also doesn’t suck? Well, no. As I’ve said several times, Feminism is for everyone and we should all be feminists. I’ll let someone smarter than me explain it:

Some people ask: “Why the word feminist? Why not just say you are a believer in human rights, or something like that?” Because that would be dishonest. Feminism is, of course, part of human rights in general—but to choose to use the vague expression human rights is to deny the specific and particular problem of gender. It would be a way of pretending that it was not women who have, for centuries, been excluded. It would be a way of denying that the problem of gender targets women.

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

Feminism isn’t only about radical actions, it’s about being a decent human being. And we can all be decent human beings. We should.

But also, there’s no “right” way of being a feminist and it doesn’t mean that you’ll have perfect answers to all the questions at all times or that you won’t question other women in their actions. And also yes, I have probably not been a good feminist in the past, I’ll probably not be a perfect one in the future. BUT I’M TRYING.

And to end this in a *good* note, if you read this and I hurt your feelings, I’m not sorry and I don’t care. Worse things can happen, like being constantly harassed at work, feeling unsafe in the presence of men, or being killed by your male partner. Count your blessings.