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Friends, I’m tired.

THIS IS WHAT THE PATRIARCHY WOULD’VE WANTED ME TO WRITE THIS YEAR.

Because, to be honest, yes, I was very (mentally) tired when I started writing this. I spent some time reading past texts I wrote about feminism, and a feeling of absolute sadness invaded my brain and heart and whole body, actually, because things don’t seem to have gotten better… at all. It just seems to be a great time to be a mediocre man. I guess it has always been, but it’s way more evident now. As someone smarter than me said, I knew one day I’d have to watch powerful men burn the world down – I just didn’t expect them to be such losers. Which is funny when you read it, but not funny when these same losers are in charge of the world.

When I started writing, I was going to say this: I feel so hopeless.

But then I was like, you know what? This is exactly what the patriarchy wants, for us to be tired, and sad, and hopeless. And then I was again like, you know what? They. Won’t. Get. That. Out. Of. Me. I won’t give the patriarchy the satisfaction of having made me sad and pessimistic. Fuck that.

A few weeks ago I posted some photos of my trip to Mexico, and I captioned it with “does it make sense to share beautiful things when the world is metaphorically and figuratively on fire? I don’t know but what else is there to live for?” Unsurprisingly, it was women who replied, yes! Beauty, please! It’s more important than ever to show it! And if Alysa Liu showed us anything this year, it’s that joy and enjoyment are acts of resistance. The patriarchy won’t take joy away from me, from us; it has taken enough already!

But of course, all this comes with a price. For me, it’s guilt. I’ve talked about it before, and I tend to mention it here and there whenever I can. It feels unfair that I get to enjoy life as a woman (even with downsides from time to time) when millions around the world aren’t able to. Privilege is a hard pill to swallow, and navigating privilege while remaining empathetic and open is tough. The patriarchy would love it for me to forget that empathy and openness, but again, not today.

The patriarchy would love it if we were simple creatures, if we kept shrinking ourselves to accommodate men in their violence, harassment, and objectification. The patriarchy would like us to think that that’s easier, it’s easier to say yes and to smile and to act as if nothing is happening. I can see this in many of us. Sometimes, fighting the whole time is exhausting, I get it. But that’s exactly what the patriarchy wants!!! And thank god we’re complex beings who can be angry while also celebrating what makes life worth living, like friendship, and love, and tenderness, and joy, and fun.

Sometimes I’m so disappointed and angry about the world and the people who make it such a hostile place to inhabit that the only thing left for me to do is to unapologetically enjoy what I have, who I am, because they would love for me to be miserable, and I simply don’t want to give them that.

The world is bleak, and it’s getting bleaker, but we women remain and resist, and we fight, and we laugh, and we cry, and we occupy space, and that comes with pain but also with happiness and outrage and satisfaction, and we are all these things, and the patriarchy can’t take that away from us. Not today, not ever.

It’s coming doooooooooooooown!