Zapping through channels, I stumbled upon Der Bachelor Schweiz.

The concept is the same as The Bachelor, of course, but everything is in Swiss German. I’m pointing it out because Swiss German is a thing of its own. But I’m not here to talk about accents.

The Bachelor (and its spinoff, The Bachelorette) is a reality show where a bachelor(ette) is looking for the love of their life. After using traditional methods, these single beautiful people aren’t able to find love so they believe they’ll find it in a house with contestants prone to drama and absurd challenges to prove how interested they are in winning the most important prize: undivided attention from the audience.

Now, of course, I don’t speak German (YET). The good thing is that you don’t need to speak German to know what’s happening when two girls are fighting for a date.

Either way, I had the privilege of having a personal translator who stated, “they’re talking so slow, it’s very easy to translate.” I could always ask for clarification in case something was lost in translation.

My conclusion: Der Bachelor is as absurd as The Bachelor. And that’s why I couldn’t stop watching.

Just imagine. There was a challenge where the ladies (they were called like that, in English) had to clean fishes and eat oysters. The first one to finish would win a Traumdate (dream date). The Traumdate being basically Alan (the Bachelor) talking about how strong he thought the lady was, how he expected her to be more open (whatever that means), and how he was enjoying this time with her.

The luckiest ones got terrible kisses from Alan. And by terrible, I mean wet, urgent, and uninspired. My body irked just by watching.

We had the classic villain, the one spreading lies around, the “fake” one, and the one that’s there just for the ‘gram. But, really… who’d be there to fall in love with a guy they don’t have complete attention from.

We had betrayal, rivalries, and some women threw water to another one from a balcony.

Our bets were correct when the woman we thought would win, won! It was an obvious choice. Although we thought there might be some chance of it ending in an unexpected way, love (and being there for the ‘gram) prevailed.

The sad part of the story is that last week they stated they had broken up. The fame was too much, the relationship not that strong. I was happy I could be part of the story of this ephemeral couple, tho.

I’m super looking forward to watching the next Der Bachelor (maybe the German one?)! The fun thing is I know I’ll enjoy it even if I won’t be able to completely understand everything going on.

My second conclusion: I’m fluent in the international language of trashy reality TV.