It’s Chrismussss!
So the gift from me to you is a ranking of all the Christmas movies I watched this year which are actually not as many as I thought they would be, considering I started watching Christmas movies in November.
This list doesn’t include professional Christmas movies like The Holiday (which I hadn’t watched until this year and almost made me have a friendship breakup when I confessed it to a friend who I hope has already forgiven me) or The Muppets Christmas Carol. This list is more about those low-budget, cheesy, ridiculous Christmas movies.
As stated before in my love letter to Kitchen Nightmares, I enjoy basic things where structures aren’t questioned and where I know that by the end the main characters will live happily ever after. I’m a hopeless romantic who turns off her brain during Christmas movies, SUE ME.
And also, to make it clear, there was no real curation behind the movies I watched. Some of them I just randomly watched on TV, and others I added to my list months ago when I saw the trailers (the Netflix ones, obviously). The only criteria I used to add movies to this list was: they should have some type of relation to Christmas.
And because I’m taking this very seriously, I scientifically scored with 🎄 (🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄 being the highest score) the movies in four aspects:
- The believability/chemistry of the romance
- If there’s anything particularly special about them
- The cringiness of their scenes (complimentary)
- Christmas-o-meter
Get your hot chocolate, get beside the Christmas tree, get the recalentado, enjoy!
1. Ghosts of Christmas Always
The BIGGEST surprise of the season! Honestly, I wasn’t expecting anything from a movie I caught on TV starring the one and only Ezra Fitz (Ian Harding, honored to be featured TWICE in this list). And yet, I really liked it!
Remember A Christmas Carol? It’s back in the form of Ghosts of Christmas Always —with a very weird title. Where do I even start explaining the plot of this movie? We follow Katherine, who is a ghost of Christmas present who’s working in what seems to be the Ministry of Christmas Ghosts. This year, along with her Christmas past and Christmas future pals, they have to unscrooge Peter Baron. Along the way, we realize that Peter and Katherine are linked in a very special way, we see them falling in love, and we share some laughs along the way. We also learn that bureaucracy exists in the Ministry of Christmas Ghosts.
Romance 🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄
Really cute and we can see some chemistry, plus I’m always a sucker for love stories limited by circumstances outside of the hands of the protagonists, like the fact that one of them is A GHOST!
Specialness 🎄🎄🎄🎄
I don’t want to oversell this, but this was quite a clever twist on A Christmas Carol.
Cringiness 🎄
Not very, which makes it a “more serious” movie.
Christmas-o-meter 🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄
Totally justified that this happens during Christmas and it wouldn’t be possible for it to happen during any other season. Christmas is the reason we’re here and the reason Katherine and Peter fall in love. God bless Santa Claus.
Total score: 15 🎄
2. A Christmas Paris Waltz
The last (unexpected) contender, because I watched it last-minute during Christmas. Matthew Morrison, Leo (cringe-expert Will Schuester from Glee), is a professional ballroom dancer that’s looking for an amateur dancing partner to participate in a dancing competition in Paris. He randomly meets Emma, a dancing enthusiast, and an overall good person. Together, they’ll go to Paris, dance their hearts out, and possibly fall in love (obviously!).
Romance 🎄🎄
There’s some kind of choreographed attraction between Leo and Emma, of course, since they’re dance partners. We do understand why Emma is attracted to him (she saw him dance during Christmas and inspired her to start dancing) and why Leo is attracted to her (she’s bubbly and sees everything with excited eyes) but still… not so much chemistry going on here.
Specialness 🎄🎄🎄
Paris makes this special because Paris is Paris and it seems like they actually did the movie there, so that’s a bit more budget than that movie where they don’t even have a real ice rink and characters are just faking skating.
Cringiness 🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄
A whooping 5!!! All the dance scenes, although well choreographed, are SO cringy! especially one scene where Emma and Leo pay some street band to play a Christmas song, and they sing and dance. I do wonder how real Parisians would feel about it…. They probably wouldn’t be very supportive of this art. Like, WHAT IS THISSSS.
Christmas-o-meter 🎄🎄🎄
Fake snow everywhere, exaggerated Christmas decorations in Parisian hotels, and dramatic versions of Christmas songs. It has it all.
Total: 13🎄
3. Our Little Secret
This is the second appearance of Ian Harding but this time with LINDSAY LOHAN! Our Little Secret made me laugh out loud and, even though I thought the whole premise didn’t make sense, it didn’t stop me from enjoying it. Plus we also see Kristin Chenoweth and Tim Meadows, who are always fun to watch.
The movie is about Avery and Logan, who fell in love young and who broke up and haven’t spoken in 10 years… until they discover their current partners are siblings!!! Crazy, right? The movie has everything, from an annoying mother-in-law to Avery getting high in church and singing an Earth, Wind and Fire song. It has fun and heartwarming moments, and it’s a solid low-budget Christmas movie in my opinion.
Romance 🎄🎄🎄🎄
I think Ian Harding has some yearning qualities in his acting because he always seems a bit like a puppy in love, which is good now that he’s having age-appropriate love interests unlike when he was falling in love with Aria Montgomery in Pretty Little Liars. A bit of chemistry is there and even though there’s not A LOT of explanation on exactly what they like about each other, it just makes sense that they are with each other instead of being with their current partners.
Specialness 🎄🎄🎄
Not super special but I like seeing Lindsay Lohan is back.
Cringiness 🎄🎄
Also not very, there wasn’t any scene that made me roll my eyes, so that’s a win!
Christmas-o-meter 🎄🎄🎄
I would say Christmas wasn’t a big factor in this movie, it just so happened that some important events in the lives of the people involved happened during Christmas. That said, this movie could happen any other weekend in the lives of these characters.
Total score: 12 🎄
4. The Merry Gentlemen
Listen, LISTEN, Chad Michael Murray being a handyman turned into a Christmas stripper? I’ll obviously watch that… for the story!
We follow the inexplicably famous Ashley, who is in some kind of school-level production of The Rockettes. This year, she’s too old to stay in the production (yessss, they talk about ageism in a Christmas movie!!!), so she goes back to her small town where she has to save the bar of their parents by creating a show where the also inexplicably hot and muscular workers of the bar are the protagonists and they take their clothes off during half-baked Christmas musical numbers. While this is happening, Ashley and Luke, the handyman aforementioned, fall in love. In short, Chad Michael Murray takes off his clothes.
If that sounds crazy it’s because it is.
Romance 🎄🎄🎄
I would argue that Chad Michael Murray could have chemistry with a wall if he wanted to and yet, not enough with Ashley, man. But Chad Michael Murray is Chad Michael Murray, so I’ll give this movie THREE Christmas trees just because of the chemistry he has with us, the viewers.
Specialness 🎄🎄🎄
Whoever came up with the idea of a stripper show to save a bar during Christmas, I’d like to have your luck and will. This is truly what dreams are made of.
Cringiness 🎄🎄🎄🎄
All the dance numbers are extremely cringy. More cringiness is added because of the fact that Luke is clearly uncomfortable dancing and taking his clothes off. In another context, that would make him endearing. In this context, it’s just painful to watch.
Christmas-o-meter 🎄
Almost zero Christmas feelings. Christmas is just an excuse, this could’ve happened on Halloween or whenever.
Total score: 11 🎄
5. Christmas Wonderland
Amazing title because the movie is all about a Christmas Wonderland. Heidi-big-city-girl goes back to her tiny Winter Wonderland town to take care of her niece and nephew while their parents are away on an unexpected trip. Chris, her high school boyfriend, has to organize a Christmas High School dance. Heidi will have to help him do that, falling in love again with him in the process.
Romance 🎄🎄🎄
Is the romance believable? Actually a bit, yes. There’s a glitter fight where they both seem to be having fun. It’s not believable that they say ‘I love you’ after three days together but I’ve seen worse in 90 Day Fiance. There are also like 5 interrupted kisses, so some tension is being built through the movie.
Specialness 🎄🎄
Nothing special about this BUT there’s great chemistry between the protagonist and her niece and nephew, that was cute! Also, the protagonist is an artist who isn’t arting because she’s too caught up in work. I’ll always be a sucker for that. And, something unexpected, there are some endearing conversations between men talking about their feelings, which is something I’ll always support.
Cringiness 🎄🎄
I have one thing in my mind: Chris dancing terribly to some Christmas song. Why did they do that! Actually, any scene where anyone is dancing is cringe. Just avoid dancing.
Christmas-o-meter 🎄🎄🎄
Very Christmasy! We also have the appearance of some kind of old guy with a beard (Santa???), so that makes it even more Christmasy.
Total score: 10 🎄
6. Christmas at the Drive-In
Winnie Cooper from The Wonder Years (Sadie) is a lawyer in Chicago who, after losing a case, goes back to her small town to teach law. There, she learns that the historical Drive-In is being demolished to build a distribution center. This Drive-In isn’t only historical, it belongs to her high school sweetheart, Holden!!! But there’s a problem, Holden is actually in favor of demolishing it. Sadie then tries to save the place and will have to work with Holden, who will realize how important the Drive-In is for the community (and how he was always in love with Sadie).
Romance 🎄🎄🎄
Romance here is believable, they have good chemistry and they do spend a lot of time together to justify that they would fall in love again. It also starts a bit as an enemy to lovers, great! I was rooting for them since the beginning and, when we discover the real reason they broke up, I yelled at the TV. People can be so stupid!
Specialness 🎄🎄
I love a good anti-capitalist, pro-holiday movie because these things would never happen in real life. What makes this one special is that they managed to be pro-capitalism and pro-holiday and pro-community at the same time. Big, utopic accomplishment.
Cringiness 🎄
Not so much cringe 😢.
Christmas-o-meter 🎄🎄
Also not so much but Sadie’s brother was all festive and Santa Claus-y throughout the movie, so that counts.
Total score: 8 🎄
I know what you might be thinking now. HOW LOW CAN THESE SCORES GET? Reader, stay with me because it became difficult to actually GIVE Christmas trees to the next movies.
7. A Brush with Christmas
Charlotte works at the restaurant of her mom but she’s truly an artist… who doesn’t have time to invest in her art because she has to work so much! Wyatt is an “architectural artist” who misses when people used to draw everything by hand. When the annual Christmas art competition in their town comes, Wyatt wants to submit his own artwork, while Charlotte helps her mom host not three but FOUR Christmas events in their restaurant. One day, Wyatt’s friend finds an unfinished artwork along with some free Christmas decorations in the street so Wyatt submits it to the competition not as his.
We’ll then discover who really painted that (Charlotte, of course), and we’ll see Charlotte and Wyatt follow their true dreams of being artists and falling in love during Christmas.
Romance 🎄
I was not not rooting for this pair. I don’t think their love will survive and I also think they were just being enablers… how can you not recognize that the art they’re both doing isn’t enough for them to have a sustainable career out of it?!
Specialness 🎄🎄
Although generic, it also talked about some stuff that’s important to me: pursuing your passion just to become unemployed.
Cringiness 🎄🎄🎄
There’s a scene where Charlotte tries to teach Wyatt how to paint with watercolors by clearly using acrylic paint. OPEN THE SCHOOLS!!! In fact, all scenes where art is involved are absolutely cringy and I loved it.
Christmas-o-meter 🎄🎄🎄
There was a lot of Christmas vibe going on with all the Christmas events, the snow, and all those amazing coats and Christmas trees with tons of Christmas lights, which makes me sad about my own Christmas tree where I counted exactly 10 lights on on one side.
Use of AI – minus🎄🎄🎄
I created this special category for this movie because most of the art they used is made by AI, I suspect. It makes me sad because I have to agree with what Wyatt says at some point during the movie, “[works of art] were better when they were made by humans”.
Total score: 6 🎄
8. Hot Frosty
The movie I was waiting for the most! When I watched the trailer, I was so curious, and listen, it’s not like I expect TOO much out of these movies but this one had some very funny actors like Dustin Milligan and Craig Robinson and Joe Lo Truglio. Like, what could go wrong?
The premise is quite simple: a hot snowman (Jack, like Jack Frost, yes!) comes to life and falls in love with a woman (Kathy). And again, I’m a sucker for movies where characters can’t be together because of circumstances they can’t control, like the fact that one of you can literally melt, but there were so many unanswered questions…
Romance 🎄
Jack is a man born without malice, someone who hasn’t been affected by alpha-male discourse, basically someone who wasn’t raised in a patriarchal society. I wonder if this is a current fantasy for single women: to find someone who’s more like a blank canvas, unstained. Probably it is? The fact that he falls in love with Kathy is more because she was there, not because they were meant for each other, which is absolutely frustrating. There’s zero chemistry, zero reasons for them to remain together. I’m giving one 🎄 because even though I never understood why they were attracted to each other, the whole town was rooting for them so I guess they were seeing something I didn’t?
Another issue was that Dustin Milligan is normally good-looking… or at least, he was super attractive in Schitt’s Creek, and WHAT HAPPENED HERE? The whole thing about this movie is that he’s supposed to be this HOT snowman and instead, I really can’t decide if he was handsome or not. Disappointing.
Specialness 🎄🎄
I mean, I think it’s an interesting premise but there were so many things I believe required some kind of explanation. Like, why did the scarf turn Jack into a real person? How come everyone just accepts that he’s a snowman? Who built the hot snowman? How can he learn to repair things through watching random videos? How did he learn to talk?
Cringiness 🎄
You know what? If this movie had even committed to being absolutely cringy and MORE ridiculous, I would’ve liked it. But I guess they didn’t want to go overboard with the ridiculousness so it’s just like drinking lukewarm water. The only piece of cringiness they committed to:
Christmas-o-meter 🎄
I mean… Christmas seems like the reason this character is coming to life and even though everything is Christmas-themed and everyone accepts that the fact that this character exists is thanks to Christmas, it wasn’t Christmasy enough for me. I’m sorry.
Total score: 5🎄
9. Christmas Made to Order
And LAST but not LEAST, the worst movie I watched this season.
Aaron Samuels from Mean Girls, Steven, is an overworked architect who has to organize Christmas at his place for the first time. His family is one of those families that takes Christmas extremely seriously, so it’s a big task for him to show some Christmas spirit because he doesn’t even know where to start. So he hires Gretchen (not Gretchen Wieners) to bring the Christmas spirit to his home… and maybe his life!
Romance – minus🎄🎄
The “romance” in this movie feels more like a BFF vibe, the kiss they share in the end is SO uncomfortable to watch.
Specialness 🎄
While I can see how for some “decorating” for Christmas is a true serious business, I think it doesn’t justify the existence of this movie.
Cringiness 🎄🎄🎄
The niece of Steven randomly singing like an opera singer while they’re picking up a Christmas tree (that ends up being a PLASTIC tree) is very cringy. Actually, any scene where she sings is cringe. Romance is also cringe. At least we could have that.
Christmas-o-meter 🎄🎄🎄
The Christmas decorations in all offices are so overboard!!! When Gretchen decorates Steven’s apartment, she puts a lot of decorations near the stove, and everything there becomes a fire hazard. Love it.
In conclusion
I’d watch all these movies again, no matter how cringy or formulaic they are!
I’m looking forward to what ChatGPT will write for us next year.
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