Some weeks ago, I received the news that my visa had been approved!
This meant that I would have 6 months to plan my wedding, get married, and live happily ever after in a small town across the ocean. Well, not a town, a principality. If you think I’m joking about getting a visa to live in a principality, you’re wrong. Not even the writers of The Princess Switch would’ve thought about it.
After watching 3 seasons of 90 Day Fiancé, I was finally becoming one of them.
I even joked with some friends about it!
I’ve been together with my boyfriend from another country for almost 3 years, which is just half of the years David spent chatting with Lana on a sketchy Russian dating site. It’s not that much but, at least, I can communicate with my boyfriend without using a translator, which is already good.
For those of you who don’t know what 90 Day Fiancé is. Here’s the deal with it. It’s a reality show. With multiple spin-offs now. Starring awful people.
But it has a great premise!
We follow the lives of international couples. One from the US and the other half from other countries. The name comes from the K1 Visa that the US issues to partners of US citizens so they can travel to the country and get married. The visa lasts 90 days.
The problem is that many people use these 90 days to meet (!) or “realize” if they truly want to spend the rest of their lives with their partners. Of course, there’s always the suspicion that non-US people are only using US people to get a visa and live in the US.
So, in short, people have 90 days to know each other better, plan a wedding, and get married.
Basically, that’s it.
The most interesting part of the show is to see the cultural differences in front of our eyes and how they play such a big part in the relationships. Things like religion, beliefs, and even language take a whole other level of importance just because of how different these people are.
I always wonder HOW these people fell in love (allegedely) if they can’t even speak the same language!
Just imagine explaining to your Brazilian girlfriend that you were in jail (and that you had a restraining order from your ex) without actually being able to explain that to her!
It’s obviously very entertaining. I get mad watching every episode. I yell at the TV all the time. I start threads at Reddit. I text another fan friend about it. I keep talking the whole week about how stupid some decisions are.
And yet, it’s trainwreck I can’t stop watching.
But lately, and since I’ve moved to another country myself, I’ve started to feel more sympathy for some of the people in 90 Day Fiancé. Which is something I would’ve never thought would happen.
Yes, we have delusional, rude, and terrible people on this show. But they’re humans… at least some of them.
At a very deep, weird level, I can relate with some of them. I mean, now I’m a 90 day fiancé myself!
Just the other day, I was watching a scene with Yara and Jovi (both of them terrible people but of course I have sympathy for Yara since she’s the one coming from another country). Yara makes it very clear that if it wasn’t because she was in love (?) she wouldn’t be in the US. She says she loves Ukraine. She was studying there, she had friends and her family, she doesn’t deserve a shitty partner that doesn’t appreciate her.
I can relate. Not to the shitty partner, luckily.
Leaving everything behind is hard. Not knowing anybody in a new place is hard. Getting used to the food, learning how to use public transportation, learning a new language, and, at the same time, starting to share your life with someone else is hard.
It’s hard, people, it’s hard.
So what started as some kind of escapism, has turned now into a place that reflects the ugly parts of what being in an international relationship is like.
And I hate relating to these people! I thought they were all terrible, with very few exceptions. Every time I watch some arguments I ask myself if I’m like that.
After some initial shock, I remind myself we have better communication skills. Things aren’t easy of course, but not because our relationship is terrible. Things aren’t easy because I fell in love with a person that was born on the other side of the world. And that’s just how things are.
So I either roll with it or I start turning into a Natalie.
But there’s a silver lining.
Yes, I moved to another country for love but at least, I wasn’t catfished. I have 90 (now fewer) days to get married but at least I’m sure I’m not getting married to a sexist Schwein.
Watching this show makes me feel better about myself. Sounds selfish but I’ll get what I can.